Norwegian music
Like many Western European countries, Norway has a diverse musical life, and it would do best to divide them into genres:


Pop: The first thing you must know about Norwegians and commercial music is that they don't like it. The artists, that is. The artists would much rather create masterpieces that fifteen guys from Northampton would buy than simple songs which will make their family rich for decades, if not centuries. If you point out that Norwegian music isn't very commercial, you might get the famous "duh!" reaction, like you are stating that water is wet.

To the bands: Do you remember the run-of-the-mill 80's synth-pop band called a-ha? If you don't, you wold be hard put to name any Norwegian pop acts. The band had some hits in the UK and the USA, most famous were "Take on me", "Hunting high and low" and "The sun always shines on TV". They're still around, doing reunions which last for about a month before they start hating each other.

Aside from them, Norway has produced few bands worth remembering. The hip-pop band Madcon had a successful stint with the song "Beggin'" and an OK follow-up with "Liar". There is a jungle out there with pop attempts stranded immediately for obvious reasons: Lene Alexandra (Norway's even more tasteless answer to Samantha Fox), D'Sound (Norway's not-too-bad answer to the Cardigans), Flava to da Bone (how not to do hip-hop), and a host of failed Pop Idol contributions (Alajandro Fuentes, Tone Damli Aaberge, Kurt Nilsen et cetera ad infinitum) have produced pointless songs and coated it with a complete lack of personality. Only rarely do Norwegian pop stars produce their own songs.


Rock: One must admire Norwegian rock musicians for having a grip on reality. The traditional rockers as a rule sing in Norwegian (Dum Dum Boys, Raga Rockers, CC Cowboys and Jokke & Valentinerne(1)), and the nearest thing Norway came to making it in the international scene was with the Mullet Rockers of the 80's (TNT - 10 000 lovers (in one) and Stage Dolls - Love cries) . These songs might cause amusement and nostalgia, but they are hardly proud moments in Norwegian history.

Then there are the untraditional rockers: the dark and spooky metalheads. There are three large categories within this spectrum:
- Black Metal: Falsetto screaming, satanistic themes and the odd, pointless solo.
- Death Metal: Low octave growling, death themes and no solos.
- Doom Metal: Bo-hoo, the world is coming to an end, performed in a syrupy manner.
Of these Black Metal is the largest scene in Norway. Bands with colourful names such as Dimmu Borgir, Satyricon, Isengard, Burzum, Mayhem, Gorgoroth and Carpathian Forest have made quite a scene by recreating the sounds of an abbatoir topped with meaningless drivel about Satan, God and idividualism (individualism means that everyone wears black outfits with spikes) in an "Evil Bee-Gees" manner. Unsurprisingly, Germany loves it.
As a side remark, the obvious bridge between rock and black metal, Goth rock, has a small following in Norway. Evidentally either it's going to be upbeat or over the top.

Evil rock: While Black Metal is considered evil, there is a form of rock which surpasses Black Metal both in shock value and diabolical motivation, the trønderrock. So-called because it hails from Trøndelag, the area in which Hell is actually located, trønderrock often preys upon the simplistic and immoral instincts of man. Women who witness a trønderrock fan, often with a D.D.E. t-shirt (D.D.E. are the Lords of Trønderrock), a smell of beer, an undefinable amount of snuff tobacco in the upper lip, a free range buttock and a large vocabulary for parts of the female body and of acts of sexual activity, will in 2 out of 3 leave quickly, even run if need be.

House/synth: As mentioned above, techno rarely made it into the Norwegian mindset because it was simple and commercial. Neither the first (euro-bands like Snap, 2 Unlimited and C + C Music Factory), the second (trip-hop-Bristol-Prodigy) or the third (Air, Daft Punk and other French outfits) waves of techno left much interest among Norwegian artists. Norway was partially to blame for the horrendous "Barbie Girl", but in all fairness, the only Norwegian contribution was the vocals.

As always, you can always count on the underground scene in Norway. Funny enough, all seem to come from the far north, probably because it's so remote from Oslo that no one has had the time to tell artists that elitsim beats commercial success any day. Bel Canto, Biosphere and Röyksopp have to some degree made quite a few headlines in the continent as well as in England. The only non-Tromsø band to achieve moderate success in this department is Apoptygma Berzerk, a name which sounds just as silly in Norwegian.


Jazz: There is no jazz scene in Norway. To speak of.


Blues: See Jazz.


Classical: Norway's biggest hit within music is undoubtedly Edvard Grieg. You have heard his "morning" or his "In the hall of the mountain king" at least, you just don't know it's him. He has one or two more hits. Aside from him, Norway has a couple of composers world famous in Norway and, you guessed it, Germany.


Eurovision Song Contest: From zero to hero and back again, Norway vary greatly within these extremes. From early on Norway made an outstanding effort, getting only two points in their third appearance and making an even 0 in their fourth. That was the first of four zeros for a country infamous for their entertainment capabilities. This record would probably have been even worse if Norway's neighbours had not offered them sympathy points: Norway has been the worst country 10 times, the best effort by any country ever. It therefore puzzled many Norwegians when they won in 1985. The reason for this victory was an adaptability unknown in other parts of Norwegian cultural or political life. Their first attempt at an upbeat song with energy and women with high hair and pink sequins hit the middle of the 80s right at home. Their second win was ten years later, when the Norwegians caught the Celtic wave very early on, and managed to snatch the victory from Ireland, triple winner before the -95 show. In 2009 the Belarussian-Norwegian Alexander Rybak excellently caught the Eastern European feel that was coming on, copying last year's winner down to the fiddle and the crazy show. We also suck up to the hosts, by sending a Swede to Sweden in -85, an Irish woman to Ireland in -95 and a Belorussian to Russia.


Country: Norway has a strong antipathy between city and country, and between Oslo and other cities. If nothing else, the cities united in a stand against Country music, which is considered bumpkin music. In the rural areas of Norway, Country is popular, and there are several Country musicians out there that makes you long for Norway's Eurovision entries.


"Dansband": Not all things from Sweden are good. Dansband is downright evil. It involves sappy song performed on accordion and boring guitars, made for dancing bad swing. As the name implies, there is a band involved, including a vocalist who is invariably a womanizer, at least one accordion player and some guitarists. A true Dansband has stolen their wardrobe from a 70s pimp and coloured it so many times it has all but faded.



(1) Some people might miss de Lillos from this list. de Lillos are as much a rock band as Kenny G, and slightly less so than Mariah Carey.